Words of Wisdom


Many a man has been convicted of crimes that occurred only in his wife's mind.


There's nothing more dangerous than an idea if it's the only one you have.  Chinese Fortune Cookie


So let me get this straight, you want to lie to the computer but you want it to tell you the truth in return.


Don't wrestle with the pig.  You'll both get dirty but the pig will enjoy it.


At the touch of love everyone becomes a poet.  Plato


"It's not a sin to keep your thoughts to yourself."  George Shoop, Esq.


For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.               John 3:16


"Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclination, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence."  John Adams


"Character is like a tree and reputation like a shadow. The shadow is what we think of it; the tree is the real thing." Lincoln


       Bart Starr tells the story of the new head coach, Vince Lombardi, addressing the Green Bay Packers who had won only one of their 12 games the year before.  "He open the session by thanking the Packers for allowing him to be their coach," Starr says. "That tells you something about the man.  Then he quickly turns to us and said, 'Gentlemen, we are going to relentlessly chase perfection, knowing full well we will not catch it, because nothing is perfect.  But we are going to relentlessly chase it, because in the process we will catch excellence.'  He came right up on us, within a foot of us in the front row, and then he said, 'I am not remotely interested in just being good.'"

       Starr, then 25 years old, had just three years earlier been drafted out of the University of Alabama in the 17th round.  After hearing Vince Lombardi speak for the first time, he felt a surge of confidence and optimism.

       "We took a break," Starr says, "and I ran downstairs and called my wife in Alabama, where we were living at the time, and all I said to here was, 'Honey, we're going to begin to win.'  I mean, it was that obvious.  This was the kind of leader we had."

                                             I heard Bart Starr tell this story when he visited Reading some years ago


"As you slide down the banister of life, may all the splinters be pointed in the right direction."

                                                     Admiral Henry G. Chiles, Jr.


“For I have learned the truth: There are greater pursuits than self-seeking. Glory is not a conceit. It is not a decoration for valor. It is not a prize for being the most clever, the strongest, or the boldest. Glory belongs to the act of being constant to something greater than yourself. No misfortune, no injury, no humiliation can destroy it. This is the faith that my commanders affirmed, that my brothers-in-arms encouraged my allegiance to. It was the faith I had unknowingly embraced at the Naval Academy. It was my father’s and grandfather’s faith. A filthy, crippled, broken man, all I had left of my dignity was the faith of my fathers. It was enough.”

                                                       —John McCain in Faith of my Fathers


The public cannot be too curious concerning the characters of public men.”

                                                  —Samuel Adams


"Can the liberties of a nation be secure, when we have removed the conviction that these liberties are the gift of God?" Thomas Jefferson


We sleep soundly in our beds because rough men stand ready in the night to visit violence on those who would do us harm

                                                    Winston Churchill


For true love? Send real roses preserved in 24kt gold.  Lane’s fortune cookie


"A gun in your hand is better than a cop on the phone"


The world belongs to the enthusiast who keeps his cool.

                          Chinese fortune cookie


Nothing in the world is difficult if one sets his mind to it.

                          Chinese fortune cookie


There is no rose without a thorn.

                          Chinese fortune cookie



"No one has to change. Survival is optional."
Edwards Deming


Sic transit Gloria mundi  ("Thus passes the glory of the world," but is more commonly interpreted as "Fame is fleeting.")


The joyfulness of a man prolongeth his day

                          Chinese fortune cookie


More flies have been won with honey than with vinegar

                      Gertrude Miller (my grandmother)


You wouldn't worry so much what people think of you if you knew how seldom they do.

                      Gertrude Miller (my grandmother)


Better an empty house, than a poor tenant.

                     Gertrude Miller (my grandmother)


It's better to burp and bear the shame, than swallow the burp and bear the pain,

                     Gertrude Miller (my grandmother)


It's better to burp and taste it than fart and waste it.

                    Larry the Cable Guy

"We should never despair, our Situation before has been unpromising and has changed for the better, so I trust, it will again. If new difficulties arise, we must only put forth new Exertions and proportion our Efforts to the exigency of the times." George Washington

Chance favors those in motion.

                Chinese fortune cookie


Those who dance are considered insane by those who can't hear the music. -George Carlin


The only good thing to come out of religion was the music. -George Carlin

Courage is simple.  You run toward the gun fire not away from it.

                          Agent Jethro Gibbs - NCIS TV Show


Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you.

When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown!

When you walk through the fire of oppression you will not be burned up;

the flames will not consume you.

                              Isaiah 43:1-2


Opportunity knocks softly - Temptation kick the door down


We do our best and most constructive thinking when alone for it’s only in silence that God speaks to us.

                                                                      Waite Phillips


All hockey players are bilingual. They know English and profanity.”

                                       - Gordie Howe


"No man in the wrong can stand up against a fellow that's in the right and keeps on a-comin."

                                                 Captain "Bill" McDonald - Texas Ranger

There is a time to take counsel of your fears, and there is a time to never listen to any fear. 
George Smith Patton

You need to overcome the tug of people against you as you reach for high goals. 
George Smith Patton

A good plan violently executed now is better than a perfect plan executed next week. 
George Smith Patton

If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery as a quality which knows no fear, I have never seen a brave man. All men are frightened. The more intelligent they are, the more they are frightened. 
George Smith Patton

All very successful commanders are prima donnas and must be so treated. 
George Smith Patton

Take calculated risks. That is quite different from being rash. 
George Smith Patton

Always do everything you ask of those you command. 
George Smith Patton

Battle is an orgy of disorder. 
George Smith Patton

Do your damnedest in an ostentatious manner all the time. 
George Smith Patton

Battle is the most magnificent competition in which a human being can indulge. It brings out all that is best; it removes all that is base. All men are afraid in battle. The coward is the one who lets his fear overcome his sense of duty. Duty is the essence of manhood. 
George Smith Patton

Better to fight for something than live for nothing. 
George Smith Patton

Courage is fear holding on a minute longer. 
George Smith Patton

Don't tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results. 
George Smith Patton

I do not fear failure. I only fear the "slowing up" of the engine inside of me which is pounding, saying, "Keep going, someone must be on top, why not you?" 
George Smith Patton

The leader must be an actor. But with him as with his bewigged counterpart he is unconvincing unless he lives his part. 
George Smith Patton

I don't measure a man's success by how high he climbs but how high he bounces when he hits bottom. 
George Smith Patton

Accept the challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory. 
George Smith Patton

If a man does his best, what else is there? 
George Smith Patton

Americans love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. 
George Smith Patton

If you tell people where to go, but not how to get there, you'll be amazed at the results. 
George Smith Patton

Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity. 
George Smith Patton

It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather we should thank God that such men lived. 
George Smith Patton

No bastard ever won a war by dying for his country. He won it by making the other poor dumb bastard die for his country. 
George Smith Patton

Americans play to win at all times. I wouldn't give a hoot and hell for a man who lost and laughed. That's why Americans have never lost nor ever lose a war. 
George Smith Patton

Nobody ever defended anything successfully, there is only attack and attack and attack some more. 
George Smith Patton

Prepare for the unknown by studying how others in the past have coped with the unforeseeable and the unpredictable. 
George Smith Patton

If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't thinking. 
George Smith Patton

Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom. 
George Smith Patton

The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. 
George Smith Patton

We herd sheep, we drive cattle, we lead people. Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way. 
George Smith Patton

The test of success is not what you do when you are on top. Success is how high you bounce when you hit bottom. 
George Smith Patton

A piece of spaghetti or a military unit can only be led from the front end. 
George Smith Patton

If a man has done his best, what else is there? 
George Smith Patton

A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood. 
George Smith Patton

The time to take counsel of your fears is before you make an important battle decision. That's the time to listen to every fear you can imagine! When you have collected all the facts and fears and made your decision, turn off all your fears and go ahead! 
George Smith Patton

Untutored courage is useless in the face of educated bullets. 
George Smith Patton

Wars may be fought with weapons, but they are won by men. It is the spirit of men who follow and of the man who leads that gains the victory. 
George Smith Patton

There is only one sort of discipline, perfect discipline. 
George Smith Patton

Watch what people are cynical about, and one can often discover what they lack. 
George Smith Patton

"Hoka Hey!’ - "It is a good day to die."

                  Battle cry of the Lakota warriors


When in England at a fairly large conference, Colin Powell was asked by the Archbishop of Canterbury if our plans for Iraq were just an example of empire building' by George Bush.  He answered by saying, 'Over the years, the United States has sent many of its fine young men and women into great peril to fight for freedom beyond our borders.  The only amount of land we have ever asked for in return is enough to bury those that did not return."
        You could have heard a pin drop.

Then there was a conference in France where a number of international engineers were taking part, including French and American.  During a break one of the French engineers came back into the room saying 'Have you heard the latest dumb stunt Bush has done?  He has sent an aircraft carrier to Indonesia to help the tsunami victims.  What does he intended to do, bomb them?'  A Boeing engineer stood up and replied quietly:  'Our carriers have three hospitals on board that can treat several hundred people; they are nuclear powered and can supply emergency electrical power to shore facilities; they have three cafeterias with the capacity to feed 3,000 people three meals a day, they can produce several thousand gallons of fresh water from sea water each day, and they carry half a dozen helicopters for use in transporting victims and injured to and from their flight deck.....  We have eleven such ships now in place or on the way; how many does France have?'  
        You could have heard a pin drop.

A U.S. Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included Admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.  At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a large group of Officers that included personnel from most of those countries.  Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their d rinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, 'whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English.'

        He then asked, 'Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?'  Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied 'Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans arranged it so you wouldn't have to speak German.'  
        You could have heard a pin drop.

A group of Americans, retired teachers, recently went to France on a tour.  Robert Whiting, an elderly gentleman of 83, arrived in Paris by plane.  At French Customs, he took a few minutes to locate his passport in his carry on.

        "You have been to France before, monsieur?" the customs officer asked sarcastically.  Mr. Whiting admitted that he had been to France previously.

        "Then you should know enough to have your passport ready."

        The American said, "The last time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
        "Impossible.  Americans always have to show your passports on arrival in France!"

        The American senior gave the Frenchman a long hard look.  Then he quietly explained. "Well, when I came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44 to help liberate this country, I couldn't find any damn Frenchmen to show it to."  
        You could have heard a pin drop

Never, NEVER take advice from your enemy.


"You got to be careful. If you don’t know where you’re going, because you might not get there"

                                                                  Yogi Berra

"We must all hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately."

               -- Benjamin Franklin (at the signing of the Declaration of Independence, 4 July 1776)


"Age is a question of mind over matter.  If you don't mind, it doesn't matter." Satchel Paige


"Where there is no vision, the people perish." Proverbs 29:18


"Success is a lousy teacher.  It seduces people into thinking they can't lose." Bill Gates


"When all is said and done, more is said than done."  Lou Holtz


"If you want to know something, don't ask the monkey, go to the organ grinder."  Lou Holtz


"Live your life so that you will have no regrets.  Make sure that you do whatever it takes so that you never have to say if only I had worked a little harder - done a little more I could have reached my dreams."

                        Ross Tucker at the 2008 Hawk Mountain Council Eagle Scout Recognition dinner


"I had more fun criticizing than praising."

                        William F. Buckley, Jr.


Life is short. Eat desert first.


"Business is a dog-eat-dog world and government is just the opposite."

                                         Michael Bloomberg


"We pick politicians by how they look on TV and Miss America on where she stands on the issues.  Isn't that a little backwards?"

                                                                  Jay Leno


"If your ship doesn't come, swim out to it."

                           Jonathan Winters


"Religion and good morals are the only solid foundation of public liberty and happiness."

                 -- Samuel Adams (letter to John Trumbull, 16 October 1778)


Opportunity knocks softly - Temptation kicks the door down.



Success in life requires that you be:

(1) Be self motivated

(2) Be goal directed

(3) Be a "The glass is half full" type of person

                Diann Roffe, 1994 Olympic Gold Metal winner in the Women's Super Giant Slalom at the February 14, 2008 West Reading/Wyomissing Rotary Club Meeting


“The public cannot be too curious concerning the characters of public men.”

                                                 —Samuel Adams


"The person who has never made an enemy will never make a friend."

                                               Sister Fidelma


“Lie down with dogs and you get fleas”


"Be Who You Are and Say What You Feel Because Those Who Mind Don't Matter and Those Who Matter Don't Mind.”

                                                                                   Dr. Seuss


Enjoy life!  It is better to be happy than be wise.

                          Chinese fortune cookie


"Let him that would move the world, first move himself. "



"Enjoy yourself -- it's later than you think. "



"By all means marry. If you get a good wife you will become happy, and if you get a bad one you will become a philosopher. "


"If all misfortunes were laid in one common heap whence everyone must take an equal portion, most people would be contented to take their own and depart."



“The right way to begin is to pay attention to the young, and make them just as good as possible”



"Sometimes the good you do doesn't do you any good."

                                  Fred Thompson as DA Arthur Branch in Law and Order


Honi soit Qui mal y pense [Shame to him who evil thinks]

                   Inscription of the Order of the Garter


"Small things amuse small minds"

                       Gertrude Miller (my grandmother)


"More flies have been won with honey than with vinegar"

                       Gertrude Miller (my grandmother)


Veritas vos Liberabit.

              John 8:32 (also the motto of the Johns Hopkins University)


"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer"

                                  - - Michael Coreleone  The Godfather


"Never let anyone outside of the family know what you're thinking again."

                          The Godfather


The beginning of all understanding is innocence

                          Chinese fortune cookie


Don't fret. All your friends will be able to zig when you zag.

                          Chinese fortune cookie


"Among all the honors, among all the postings, promotions, medals, that have been awarded me, the one in which I take most pride is to be able to say - I am a Marine."

                                              Gen John A Lejeune, USMC


Check your “to do” list.  Make sure the person putting items on there is authorized to do so.


Good deeds will not go unpunished!


It’s a smart man who knows his father.


Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

More harm has been done to mankind in the name of religion than in any other cause.

H. L. Mencken (1880-1956)

To be an agent for change you have to…

         Believe in the need for change

         Create discontent

         Have a vision for the future

         Understand where we are.  Given an understanding of where we are and a vision of the future, you then have to develop activities that eliminate the difference.

         Understand that people are going to be upset with you because you are making changes

         Must be committed to the goal.

Charlie Kopicz - Performance Advocates



         Leadership is doing the right thing.

         Management is doing things right.

         What is measured is managed.

         What is rewarded is repeated.

Charlie Kopicz - Performance Advocates


Don’t expect what you don’t inspect


No man matures past twelve.


Facts are your friends.


Success comes before work only in the dictionary.


The only difference ‘twixt man and boy is the cost of the toy.

Ogden Nash (1902-1971)


"We make a living by what we get; we make a life by what we give"

Winston Churchill


"It is better to ask forgiveness than permission."

                                Daley's Law


"It is not what you do but what gets done.


"It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

    Professor Dumbledore to Harry Potter - Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets


"I refuse to join any club that that would me as a member"

                                                                                        Groucho Marx


"No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early"
 Groucho Marx


"When you're up to your ass in alligators, it's tough to remember that you came into the swamp to drain it."

                            Poster given to me by Donald Dahl - 1978


"A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain."

                                                     ~Mark Twain~

I made three mistakes:


[1] I didn't choose rich parents.


[2] I married for some reason other than money


[3] I failed to buy a winning lottery ticket


"Think you can or think you can't.  Either way you're right."

                                                         Henry Ford


"Forecasts are either lucky or lousy"

                                           Oliver Wright or George Plossel (I can't remember which)


"All models are wrong; some are useful."

                                            Albert Einstein


"Doing something over and over again and expecting difference results is the definition of insanity."

                                           Albert Einstein


  1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
  2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
  3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
  4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
  5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
  6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
  7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
  8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
  9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
  10) The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

                                                                  From Cousin Sandy Funk

  1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.
  2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
  3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.
  4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
  5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
  6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.
                                                                  From Cousin Sandy Funk


  1) Growing old is mandatory; Growing up is optional.
  2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
  3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
  4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
  5) It’s frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
  6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
  7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.
                                                                  From Cousin Sandy Funk 

  1) You believe in Santa Claus.
  2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
  3) You are Santa Claus.
  4) You look like Santa Claus.
                                                                  From Cousin Sandy Funk 

  At age 4 success is not peeing in your pants.
  At age 12 success is having friends.
  At age 16 success is having a drivers license.
  At age 35 success is having money.
  At age 50 success is having money.
  At age 70 success is having a drivers license.
  At age 75 success is having friends.
  At age 80 success is not peeing in your pants.
                                                                  From Cousin Sandy Funk

Life may not have turned out to be the party we had hoped for, but while we're here we may as well dance.


If you haven't got it in your head, you won't be able to do it with your legs.

                                                Coach Karl Taylor - Reading Royals Head Coach


In a perfect world...........Elvis would still be alive and all the imposters would be dead.


In order for someone to insult us, we must first grant them the power to do so.  That's why "political correctness" is such a crock.


Calling an illegal alien an "undocumented immigrant" is like calling a drug dealer an "unlicensed pharmacist"



Don't forget to take time to smell the flowers.  Watch out for the bees.

                                                                                           John Unitas


Talk's cheap.  Let's go play.

                                John Unitas


Pass when they think you're going to run.  Run when they think you're going to pass.

                                                                                              John Unitas


"With all due respect, this is not my first time at the rodeo."

President George Bush being badgered by a reporter at a October 2007 News Conference


"It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future."

                                                                Yogi Berra

Be patient: In time, even an egg will walk.

                                                         Chinese Fortune Cookie


“Men will always be mad, and those who think they can cure them are the maddest of all.”


“All propaganda is lies—even when it is telling the truth.”

                                                                —George Orwell

“It is only the warlike power of a civilized people that can give peace to the world.”

                                                         —Theodore Roosevelt

“The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.”

                                                                     —Groucho Marx


"Every morning in Africa, a gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed...every morning a lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn't matter whether you are a lion or a gazelle...when the sun comes up, you'd better be running."

If you want a rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain.


Borrow money from pessimists - they don't expect it back.

“Throughout our history, America has been protected by patriots who cherished liberty and made great sacrifices to advance the cause of freedom. The brave members of the United States Armed Forces have answered the call to serve our Nation, ready to give all for their country. On Veterans Day, we honor these extraordinary Americans for their service and sacrifice, and we pay tribute to the legacy of freedom and peace that they have given our great Nation.”

                                                                         —President George W. Bush, 2007 Veterans Day Proclamation


“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal.”

                                                                                             Ecclesiastes 3:1-3—

“Life is a gift from God,” says Roger Helle. “What we do with it can be our gift to God.”

“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

                                                                                               John 15:13


“Our obligations to our country never cease but with our lives.”

                                          —John Adams


"Little bits of satisfaction are expensive."

                                     Mort Rosenberg


"Old Man Can't is dead. I helped bury him."

                                          Myers Anderson - Justice Clarence Thomas' grandfather


"Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom, must, like men, undergo the fatigues of supporting it."

                                                                                   —Thomas Paine


When you're up to your ass in alligators, it's difficult to remember that you came into the swamp to drain it.


It's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission.

                                                                                   Daley's Law


"How would you like a job where, every time you make a mistake, a big red light goes on and 18,000 people boo?"

                                                                                   - Former NHL goaltender Jacques Plante

"You never know the power of words when you speak to young people, which is why I enjoy being involved with them."

                                                                                                                    Denzel Washington in Reader's Digest

"Dogs don't bark at parked cars."

                                           Lynne Cheney

"Never say never"

                      Ronald Reagan


"It's amazing what you can accomplish if you don't care who gets the credit."

                                                                                                   Ronald Reagan


"And malt does more than Milton can To justify God's ways to man."

                                                       —A. E. Housman


"It has been my experience that folks who have no vices have very few virtues."

                                                      Abraham Lincoln


"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it."



Genius without education is like silver in the mine."

                                           —Benjamin Franklin


"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy."

                                         —Benjamin Franklin


"Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counsellors, and the most patient of teachers."

                                         —Charles W. Eliot


"There is no mistaking a real book when one meets it. It is like falling in love."

                                         —Christopher Morley


"He only employs his passion who can make no use of his reason."



"Neither can embellishments of language be found without arrangement and expression of thoughts, nor can thoughts be made to shine without the light of language."



"I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me."

                                               —Dave Barry


"What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death."

                                                —Dave Barry


"You can only be young once. But you can always be immature."

                                                  —Dave Barry


"Electricity is actually made up of extremely tiny particles called electrons, that you cannot see with the naked eye unless you have been drinking."

                                              —Dave Barry


"Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza."

                                            —Dave Barry


"Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer."

                                                         —Dave Barry


"If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs."

                                                        —David Daye


"Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around."

  —David Lodge (1935-). The British Museum Is Falling Down, 4, 1965 (from Random House Webster's Quotationary)


"Fermentation may have been a greater discovery than fire."

                                         —David Rains Wallace


"If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt."

                                     Dean Martin


"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."

                                          —Dean Martin


"Prohibition makes you want to cry into your beer and denies you the beer to cry into." —Don Marquis


"Bacchus hath drowned more men than Neptune." —Dr. Thomas Fuller


"Don't join the book burners. Don't think you're going to conceal faults by concealing evidence that they ever existed. Don't be afraid to go in your library and read every book." —Dwight D. Eisenhower


"The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty annoying virtues." —Elizabeth Taylor


"Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut." —Ernest Hemingway


"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." —Ernest Hemingway


"Your very silence shows you agree." —Euripides


"Leave no stone unturned." —Euripides


"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." —Frank Lloyd Wright


"I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. " —Frank Sinatra


"A good novel tells us the truth about its hero; but a bad novel tells us the truth about its author." —G. K. Chesterton


"A room without books is like a body without a soul." —G. K. Chesterton


"Always live your life with your biography in mind." —Gareth van Meer, "Special Topics In Calamity Physics" by Marisha Pessl


"I often quote myself. It adds spice to my conversation." —George Bernard Shaw


"Reading made Don Quixote a gentleman. Believing what he read made him mad." —George Bernard Shaw


"There are no secrets better kept than the secrets that everybody guesses." —George Bernard Shaw


"All great truths begin as blasphemies." —George Bernard Shaw


"Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy." —George Carlin


"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that." —George Carlin


"I drink to make other people interesting." —George Jean Nathan


"I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book."

                   —Groucho Marx


"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read." —Groucho Marx


"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five." —Groucho Marx


"Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to do is live long enough." —Groucho Marx


"From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it."

                                                   —Groucho Marx


"I could dance with you until the cows come home. On second thought I'd rather dance with the cows until you come home."

                      —Groucho Marx


"I sent the club a wire stating: Please accept my resignation. I don't want to belong to any club that will accept me as a member."

                            —Groucho Marx


"After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations." —H. L. Mencken


"How vain it is to sit down to write when you have not stood up to live." —Henry David Thoreau


"That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest." —Henry David Thoreau


"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived." —Henry David Thoreau


"The love of learning, the sequestered nooks, And all the sweet serenity of books..." —Henry Wadsworth Longfellow


"Where is human nature so weak as in the bookstore?" —Henry Ward Beecher


"It is better to hide ignorance, but it is hard to do this when we relax over wine." —Heraclitus


"Misquotation is, in fact, the pride and privilege of the learned. A widely- read man never quotes accurately, for the rather obvious reason that he has read too widely." —Hesketh Pearson


"Misquotations are the only quotations that are never misquoted." —Hesketh Pearson


"The wine urges me on, the bewitching wine, which sets even a wise man to singing and to laughing gently and rouses him up to dance and brings forth words which were better unspoken." —Homer


"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." —Humphrey Bogart


"Happiness is good health and a bad memory." —Ingrid Bergman


"If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world." —J. R. R. Tolkien


"I cordially dislike allegory in all its manifestations, and always have done since I grew old and wary enough to detect its presence."                                       —J. R. R. Tolkien


"I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve."

                                                      —J. R. R. Tolkien


"All that is gold does not glitter; not all those that wander are lost." —J. R. R. Tolkien


"'I wish life was not so short,' he thought. 'Languages take such a time, and so do all the things one wants to know about.'"

                                          —J. R. R. Tolkien


"Never judge a book by its movie." —J. W. Eagan


"Two and two the mathematician continues to make four, in spite of the whine of the amateur for three, or the the cry of the critic for five." —James McNeill Whistler


"Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do." —Jean-Paul Sartre


"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking." —Jerry Seinfeld


"I can't understand why people are frightened of new ideas. I'm frightened of the old ones." —John Cage


"No soldier can fight unless he is properly fed on beef and beer." —John Churchill, First Duke of Marlborough


"Ideas are like rabbits. You get a couple and learn how to handle them, and pretty soon you have a dozen." —John Steinbeck


"Oh for a book and a shady nook..." —John Wilson


"Life itself is a quotation." —Jorge Luis Borges


"Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world." —Kaiser Wilhelm


"He who knows does not speak. He who speaks does not know." —Lao-tzu


"To know that you do not know is the best. To pretend to know when you do not know is a disease." —Lao-tzu


"Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain." —Lily Tomlin


"The man who doesn't read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them." —Mark Twain


"Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint." —Mark Twain


"Education: that which reveals to the wise, and conceals from the stupid, the vast limits of their knowledge." —Mark Twain


"Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't." —Mark Twain


"Get your facts first, and then you can distort them as much as you please." —Mark Twain


"I don't give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way." —Mark Twain


"I have never let my schooling interfere with my education." —Mark Twain


"I was gratified to be able to answer promptly. I said I don't know." —Mark Twain


"In religion and politics, people's beliefs and convictions are in almost every case gotten at second hand, and without examination."                                      —Mark Twain


"It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt." —Mark Twain


"It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech." —Mark Twain


"Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand." —Mark Twain


"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."

                                                   —Mark Twain


"The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter." —Mark Twain


"The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause." —Mark Twain


"Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer." —Mark Twain


"Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody." —Mark Twain


"When in doubt, tell the truth." —Mark Twain


"Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform." —Mark Twain


"It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them." —Mark Twain


"A classic is something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read." —Mark Twain


"What a good thing Adam had. When he said a good thing he knew nobody had said it before." —Mark Twain


"I love quotations because it is a joy to find thoughts one might have, beautifully expressed with much authority by someone recognized wiser than oneself." —Marlene Dietrich


"The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass." —Martin Mull


"Now we sit through Shakespeare in order to recognize the quotations." —Orson Welles


"There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written." —Oscar Wilde


"At twilight, nature is not without loveliness, though perhaps its chief use is to illustrate quotations from the poets." —Oscar Wilde


"Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter." —Oscar Wilde


"I am not young enough to know everything." —Oscar Wilde


"Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong." —Oscar Wilde


"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." —Oscar Wilde


"My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's." —Oscar Wilde


"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars." —Oscar Wilde


"But what is the difference between literature and journalism? ...Journalism is unreadable and literature is not read. That is all." —Oscar Wilde


"It is only an auctioneer who can equally and impartially admire all schools of art." —Oscar Wilde


"The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius." —Oscar Wilde


"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." —Oscar Wilde


"Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it." —P. J. O'Rourke


"Ignorance, the root and the stem of every evil." —Plato


"The price good men pay for indifference to public affairs is to be ruled by evil men." —Plato


"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." —Plato


"He was a wise man who invented beer." —Plato


"It were not best that we should all think alike; it is differences of opinions that makes horse races."

                      —Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar


"In the highest civilization, the book is still the highest delight. He who has once known its satisfactions is provided with a resource against calamity." —Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Colleges hate geniuses, just as convents hate saints." —Ralph Waldo Emerson


"I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." —Ralph Waldo Emerson


"Next to the originator of a good sentence is the first quoter of it." —Ralph Waldo Emerson


"The greatest minds are capable of the greatest vices as well as of the greatest virtues." —Rene Descartes


"Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing. " —Robert Benchley


"The sum of the matter is, the people drink because they wish to drink." —Rudolph Brand


"A book is a version of the world. If you do not like it, ignore it; or offer your own version in return." —Salman Rushdie


"No one has a finer command of language than the person who keeps his mouth shut." —Sam Rayburn


"I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead." —Samuel Goldwyn


"I don't want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their jobs." —Samuel Goldwyn


"Let's have some new cliches." —Samuel Goldwyn


"Classical quotation is the parole of literary men all over the world." —Samuel Johnson


"Reading is sometimes an ingenious device for avoiding thought." —Sir Arthur Helps


"Read not to contradict and confute...nor to find talk and discourse, but to weigh and consider." —Sir Francis Bacon


"No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit." —Sir Frederick G. Banting


"Broadly speaking, the short words are the best, and the old words best of all." —Sir Winston Churchill


"From now on, ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put." —Sir Winston Churchill


"It is a good thing for an uneducated man to read books of quotations." —Sir Winston Churchill


"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." —Sir Winston Churchill


"By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher."



"I am not an Athenian or a Greek, but a citizen of the world."



"The unexamined life is not worth living."



"Enlighten the people, generally, and tyranny and oppressions of body and mind will vanish like spirits at the dawn of day."

                                     —Thomas Jefferson


"I cannot live without books."  —Thomas Jefferson


"The man who reads nothing at all is better educated than the man who reads nothing but newspapers."

                                           —Thomas Jefferson


"I would rather be exposed to the inconveniences attending too much liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it."

                                                            —Thomas Jefferson


"If an idea's worth having once, it's worth having twice." —Tom Stoppard


"It is better to be quotable than to be honest." —Tom Stoppard


"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy."

                                       —Tom Waits


"I aimed at the public's heart, and by accident I hit it in the stomach."

                                        — Upton Sinclair


"A witty saying proves nothing."



"Anything too stupid to be said is sung." —Voltaire


"Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers."



"Prejudice is opinion without judgment."



"The secret of being boring is to say everything."



"You despise books; you whose lives are absorbed in the vanities of ambition, the pursuit of pleasure or indolence; but remember that all the known world, excepting only savage nations, is governed by books."



"I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it."



"Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so too."



"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake--which I also keep handy."

                                                   —W. C. Fields


"Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water."                                               —W. C. Fields


"Some books are undeservedly forgotten; none are undeservedly remembered."

                                                —W. H. Auden


"A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her."

                                            —W. C. Fields


"What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?” —

                                                  W. C. Fields


"Everybody has to believe in something...I believe I'll have another drink."

                                             —W. C. Fields


"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."

                                                  —Will Rogers


"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."

                                           —Will Rogers


"Think like a wise man but communicate in the language of the people."

                                            —William Butler Yeats


"My words fly up, my thoughts remain below: Words without thoughts never to heaven go."

                                          —William Shakespeare


"Knowing I lov'd my books, he furnish'd me From mine own library with volumes that I prize above my dukedom."

                                —William Shakespeare


"It was as if I'd found a way to live as a song or a film or a book."

                —Win Duncan, "Confessions of a Memory Eater" by Pagan Kennedy


"Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me."

                                    —Winston Churchill


"Make sure that the beer - four pints a week - goes to the troops under fire before any of the parties in the rear get a drop."

                     —Winston Churchill to his Secretary of War, 1944


"His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy."

                                            —Woody Allen


"I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying."

                                            —Woody Allen


"It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more."

                              —Woody Allen


"You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred."

                      —Woody Allen


"When the facts change, I change my mind. What do you do, sir?"

                                      Lord Keynes


"More flies have been won with honey than with vinegar."

                                  Gertrude Miller (My grandmother)


Our new Constitution is now established, and has an appearance that promises permanency; but in this world nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.

-- Benjamin Franklin (letter to Jean-Baptiste Leroy, 13 November 1789)


We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.


"You never get a day off, when you're retired."

                                    Lou Holtz